Finding your voice doesn’t mean that you are finding something new within. Rather, it means you are finding more of yourself that was just waiting to be discovered. You are able to feel confident speaking, expressing your thoughts, and letting yourself be heard. This is not always something that comes naturally to people, and it certainly didn’t come naturally to me, but I was able to uncover that confidence several years ago—and I haven’t looked back since. So, in this episode, I will be sharing how you can learn to tell your story without worry by strengthening your entrepreneurial armor and shifting your mindset.
Listen in as I explain what worked for me on this journey, as well as what did not. You will learn why it is essential to get started (even if you don’t have the exact end goal in view yet), how to improve your public speaking, and why you should speak from a scar instead of a wound. Remember: your story deserves to be heard, and it is up to you to tell it.
What You’ll Learn:
Why finding your voice is essential to your success.
How to get in the right mindset to pursue your passions.
The best way to improve your camera presence.
How to build your entrepreneurial armor.
The importance of simply getting started.
How to share the lessons you have learned in an inspirational way.
The benefit of being unique.
How to get through hot water when you’ve put your foot in your mouth.
Ideas Worth Sharing:
“How we talk to ourselves is just as important as the message we are putting out into the world.” - Molly Dare
“You have to shift your mindset from ‘I don’t know how to do that’ to ‘I don’t know how to do that yet.’ Because it is the ‘yet’ that makes all the difference.” - Molly Dare
“It’s okay if you only see the first two steps of the staircase, but just start stepping up it.” - Molly Dare
Resources:
EPISODE 40
MOLLY DARE
TRANSCRIPT:
*Please note that transcripts are auto-transcribed, they are for reference only and may contain typos*
Molly Dare 0:07
Hello, and welcome to On Air with Molly Dare. This is Molly Dare, and I am on episode two of solo episodes, I hope you enjoyed the first solo episode that I tried Hope you're bearing with me. So I'm getting used to this format as well as the interviews as well, which I also enjoy so much. But I really loved sharing the journey, and I especially loved the feedback. You know, for the for the future episodes, I'm going to go into some more specifics on the stories and that I shared some that I haven't already and also more importantly on the lessons learned a different mindset shifts that I've happened, or that have happened for me over my life that have I found have been really, really helpful in pursuing, you know, my passion and getting finding my voice, which I think is really, really important. As you're thinking of what you're looking to do what lights you up inside, what is your passion is how can you best use your voice, to share it and grow your platform so that others can get to know you better and get to know what your passion is your businesses, whatever it is for you. I think it's really, really important to to put yourself out there. And the number one fear that everybody has, is putting yourself out there. So that's where I come in to try to help people get more comfortable, really realizing the benefits of it being you being the face of your brand, and not your brand itself. So something it's a topic I'm really passionate about. And it really starts with finding your voice. And it's it's the voice that you're going to use to share with others about you your journey, your passion, whatever that is for you. But it's also the voice that we speak to ourselves with and how we talk to ourselves is just as important as the message that we're putting out into the world. I strongly strongly believe in that. So for those of you who listened to my first solo episode, where I went through kind of my journeys and some pivotal moments in my life, I went through a lot of my story, not all of it, there's there's a lot more we'll get into in future episodes. But I went through a lot of my story and the many setbacks I had and the lessons learned, and that my passion in life is getting people in the right mindset to pursue their passions. So I spoke about us being able to do hard things and you know, going through a tough divorce and all those other setbacks. That's what it taught me that was the lesson that I got from the test that I had. And I am passionate about what I call building your entrepreneurial armor to deal with these obstacles and setbacks because they're going to come whether you like it or not, no matter how prepared you are, no matter how confident we all are obstacles and setbacks and pivots are just constant in entrepreneurship and putting yourself out there. It's just inevitable. So what I'm going to talk in today's episode is about how I found my voice and the confidence to share it in the hopes that it inspires you to do the same. So I'm 43 now, but I was 37 when I found mine, I can really pinpoint it. Honestly, back to to that age. And I'll tell you how I did by sharing what worked for me and what didn't. And as I say all the time, I do not speak as an expert. I always want to clarify that I speak from my experiences and how it worked out for me in the hopes that a few of these mindset shifts and tricks that I've that I've had will help you in finding your voice and your confidence. So why is 37 that pivotal year for me? Well, I had just started hillenBRAND media. As I mentioned, I was approached by a local TV station to be their on air host and because my company hillenBRAND Media at the time, focused on growing businesses and helping with their growth strategy across social media, it just became clear that if Eye On South Florida wanted to grow, and I was working with my friend Karen at the time, we were like, We got to be everywhere, right? Because I only see things in World Domination spectrum. I don't play small. And so they're like yeah, that's amazing. Go and do that you guys so so yeah, there I was given an amazing opportunity. And a lot of us in that moment of like, Oh, no,
I don't know how to do that. That's that's out of my my spectrum. But if people hear me say this all the time, you have to have that mindset of, I don't know how to do that. You got to switch that to I don't know how to do that yet. And I said that in the previous episode when I say it again, I'm gonna say it until I drive it home for you. It's the yet that makes all the difference. You could just feel your entire body change when you say that It goes from fear to excitement. And I think that's really, really important as opportunities come our way that they may feel unfamiliar, they may not be what we're used to. But clearly if an opportunity is coming our way someone sees something in us that we haven't seen yet. So I think it's really important that your initial response is not No, it's Let me think about that, because it's a possibility. So you know, as we set out to to broaden the Eye On channels to New York, Chicago, LA, all the places, you know, we really dove right in. And this is another spot where I see so many people get hung up. So I really want to hone in on this is that once you've gotten into that mindset shift, once you're like, Okay, this is what I want to do this is this is how we're going to do it, you don't need to see the whole staircase to the end goal. I knew what my end goal was, I knew the first step that I needed to to get there and everything that I had to dive into and what I needed to learn, which is you know, producing, I knew that in part, how I was going to finish steps three to 10, I knew I would figure out if I just got started. And where I see most people get stuck, I want to say something like 90 plus percent is that first action step because they can't see the whole staircase. And they think if they don't have steps one through 10 laid out that they're not willing to get started. So I'm telling you, it's okay, if you only see the first two steps of the staircase, but just start stepping up it, I promise you, the other steps will light up as you go. So, you know, so I was immediately at 37 years old with this new opportunity thrust into a moment where I had to be not only the voice but the face of these local TV channels, and come across confident and I was not confident and and like I knew what I was doing. When I clearly did not, I had a real quick crash course in public speaking, and it was called trial by fire. I saw real quick though, by getting these people on camera how important and effective it was to be the face of your business just to be confidently and passionately about what you do and why you do it. It's why I loved filming these segments. It's I saw it whether I was working on it through the social media. And now I was doing it on camera for local television, I saw the impact that it had, I saw when they use these videos of these segments, how much it garnered attention, and how much clients they got from it and calls and whatever it was that they were promoting. But really, it got them as a human as a as a person behind the brand. That's what got people's interest. Like I mentioned before that my very first time talking on camera, it was horrible. I was tragic. And I posted it on Instagram. And if you scroll down to a month or so ago, you'll see it because I think it's important to share not just our highlights, but our low times too as teachable moments. You can see in the video that I posted that I was very flustered could not get the words out couldn't even introduce the next guest. I'm like throwing my hands up and like frustration. And I'll tell you why I was tragic and what to avoid and how to prepare if you are getting ready to share your story or speak on camera or podcast or even, you know, write on your own phone to publish on your own Instagram account or Facebook or LinkedIn or whatever it is that you choose. So first of all, preparation, preparation is key, especially if you're being interviewed by somebody over prepare. be so confident in the material you're going to deliver. Especially if you're being asked to give a speech or a presentation. If you're a first time speaker or a first time guests on a podcast or first time segment and the news are being interviewed. preparation is key and feeling and appearing confident. If you are speaking in front of a crowd, ask to see the stage asked to see where you'll be standing and stand there get so comfortable with where the prompters are, if they're there, and all of the slides if that's what you have prepared, where they're going to be same for television, as to see where you will be sitting which camera to look at. And if it's a podcast episode, which is most people's first kind of venture in to the world of sharing their story, podcasts have just exploded. Ask if it's a video too, or just audio, I think that changes kind of how you're feeling about it. What topics will they be covering and definitely, definitely listen to one or two of their episodes ahead of time to get a feel for their style and the type of questions they're going to ask. Try to have as few surprises
as possible. And I promise you that they would rather you ask the questions that have to take you know, or have someone who a guest who's not confident or feeling you know, unprepared. So, you know, I'll tell you that before I go on any podcast I listened to at least one of the episodes you know right before it just just to know like or there's questions that they always ask at the end or beginning or how do they normally intro or you know, do I have to have my intro prepared. I think that's really, really important. Another thing is, especially if you're being interviewed research current topics and current news and the field you are speaking on so that you can stay relevant and up to date and the topics you're talking about. Because there's a good chance that you're going to be asked about those topics, if it's breaking news that's just happening that day. And it happens to be relevant to what you do. And it's happened to me, you guys. So this is why I'm just sharing it. Where I had not watched the news that day I was being interviewed and like, oh, what do you think about this situation? And I'm like, wait, what situation, it's not a good look, I strongly urge you to watch the news, read the paper, scroll, Facebook or Instagram, let's be honest, it's where we're getting our news these days. And just be prepared. And then lastly, practice on camera, you guys, we are so lucky to have phones that record us. It's so so easy to master your on camera presence right from your own home. I'm going to put myself out of business by saying that, but you know what, it's true. You don't need Molly coming in with her film crew or producing it Well, after you're comfortable you do because it's pretty awesome. But until then, just practice in your own home. And I'm going to give you a tip. You know, when people come to me asking for help with how they come across on camera, their camera presence, I often have them send me a recording of themselves as they talk about your business or the topic that you want to be known for. And they send me you know that two to three minute video where they're coming across, very polished, they feel like they have to like really sit up straight and be you know, come across very confident. Then I have them record themselves talking about their favorite pet or their children or something that just like lights them up that you know, they just love. And so easy for them to just go on and on about, you'll see the difference. Do that exercise at home, film, film yourself. First talking about your business and looking professional and then talking about like your kids or your pets. You'll see, we study the two videos nine times out of 10 that first video you're stiff, serious, a little caught on your words, because you want them to sound so perfect. In the second video, you're more relaxed, we're having a real conversation, you're You sound like a human your shoulders are down, there's a bit more animation and ease because you don't feel like you're being judged. Look at those differences, those nuances, and see how you can keep those so that those who are watching you see a confident, relaxed and intriguing person that they can relate to. And that keeps their interests. Notice the difference inflections in your voice, how you change and emphasize certain words when you're speaking and get excited about what you're saying. Because that is how you keep engaging your audience. So let's say you've done all this, you've mastered your on camera presence from your home, and you're feeling confident and you're asked for your first interview. A question that I get asked often is how do I know what parts of my story to share? There's so there's so many parts to it. And which ones do I not share? This is this is everyone's biggest hang up and where they kind of make the biggest mistake. So in my company, we dive deep into the mindset and journey and spend hours with entrepreneurs and public figures filming and interviewing them getting their story shared for the spotlight series. I give them this advice, which I'm giving you today, which was given to me and I'm spreading it everywhere, which is to speak from a scar and not from a wound. So what does that mean? When you speak from a scar, it means you have been through the journey, the story of it and you have learned the lesson. As I said before, life gives you the test first and the lesson after it is so much easier to speak when you have gone through the test. Some time has passed, and you have learned the lesson like Ah, that's why I went through that this is what I learned. And this is what I take for me going forward. Those are stories we're sharing, those have value to other people. When you're still in the test, right? You're still in the wound of it all. It often becomes like you know what they call like a trauma dump like it just you go on and on and on. But there's no gift to the listener. Right? We want a gift for listening to your story, which is that lesson that we can take away that tactical advice. So So think about what is the feeling you want the listeners, the people who are listening to you to feel after you tell your story? How did you want them to leave thinking of you? And what lessons from what you shared and they take with them to apply to their life. No one just wants to listen to I mean, you're all interesting, right? But you don't want to just listen to me to listen, you want to learn something, you want to take something away. And I feel the same way if I'm gonna spend time listening to you, you know, our time is valuable, you know, give me something that I can take away and apply to my own life.
Do you want them inspired, motivated, encouraged? Which chapters of your story? Can you speak of so strongly that the lesson learned is worth sharing that specific chapter? Will they end up with tactical tools? If so, that's a good chapter story to share. If not, you may want to save that story for another time. Maybe you're not just ready to share it yet. This is not always an easy exercise. I have 43 years of chapters that I could share but not every chapter of my life is inspirational and motivational are tied up in a nice little bow. It may be really interesting and fascinating. So I've got some really funny stories, you guys, I got a lot of stories that unfortunately required me to sign an NDA, which I would love to share. But those are probably over dinner and wine, those are not going to be on my podcast just yet. But I haven't learned every single lesson that needs to be learned. And so I'm probably not going to share certain parts of my story publicly, that aren't relevant to that specific audience, or that they can identify with some really tough chapters of my story, I will share at some point because I think it has value, but I'm just not there yet. So I'm just going to say, once again, think of the specific audience, you're going to speaking to think of how you want them to feel after hearing you speak, and pick which two or three chapters out of those 43. We don't need to hear all 43 guys to find that the best and offer tactical action steps. So when you really hone in on these specific stories and lessons that you feel good about and bring the audience along with you on those two or three, you will look and feel like you're speaking with confidence, speaking with power, speak with conviction. And that is what inspires people. When I tell certain stories from my life, I can't, I don't want to sit in them too long. I try to find the right balance between people getting engaged in what I'm talking about what they're along with me for that ride. But I want to hurry up and get to the punch line, I want to hurry up and say and this is the moment that you waited for, where I'm going to impart the knowledge I learned. So you want to you want to always have the goal of getting there. That's where they stay on the edge of their seat and buy into what you're sharing and why you're sharing it. Alright, so we covered practice, practice, practice as much as you can, wherever you can record yourself. Go on lives on Instagram have a good friend, Dana Bowling, she was interviewed on this podcast a little earlier. She's amazing at coaching people to get on Instagram stories to start sharing. She gives you topics to talk about and she's just amazing. That being said, I do strongly encourage everybody to get a coach, look at who is where you want to be. Ask them if they're willing to coach you. That is the best way to get there. So I'm going to give a warning here though, because so study and listen to others who speak in a way that you resonate with, listen to their tone, their inflection, their style of speaking and take the pieces of it that feel comfortable. But here's my here's where the warning comes in. Do not try to copy anyone else and that's where it becomes disingenuous. And you know, when you see that I know and I see that when I say up there trying to be that person. I love when someone is unique and different. You will have a fun laugh. Do you have a great sense of humor? Are you quirky? use it to your advantage that is your superpower. Whatever sets you apart, go all in on. I can't talk without my hands flailing all over the place. And I was told early on when I was doing the on your hosting like Molly, stop, stop moving. Your hands are like all over the place. You're touching everything you're like, going crazy. I tried with all my mind to keep my hands down. But I became dull. There was nothing exciting about me like all the passion and excitement and how I speak left. Like you know what, Molly, just bring those hands right on back. Don't just keep doing what we don't want Molly dull
right on camera. There's nothing worse than being dull. You know, another thing is I love watching public speakers or people on video. And I do and I strongly encourage you to take mental notes on who makes you smile, who makes you listen, go to Instagram stories or go to you know, there's so many amazing summits and conventions, just go watch the speakers. See who excites you, and what they're doing that makes you feel that way. Like take mental notes on these things and try to incorporate it in your own style of speaking. Alright, so let's, let's say that you've done all these things, you're now you're feeling pretty confident you've practiced, you've got your stories and your speech down, you feel pretty good. You found your voice, but this is where people get stuck again. And this is where I got stuck committing to the first talk or interview or podcast like you're ready to go. You're ready to take it to that next level of now amplifying yourself and your brand. Why are we so fearful of that first interview of that first podcast episode? Because we are often in fear of what we cannot control that something will go wrong and we won't know how to handle it. They may change the camera you're supposed to look at the slides you had prepared don't appear. They ask you a question you can't answer or you forgot what you were going to say. Many of us have had that happen. At least one of those, all of those things have happened to me. So let's get rid of those fears. If that is what is keeping you from stepping into your spotlight and let's just get rid of them altogether. Let's just find a solution by getting into a mindset that when something goes wrong, you change that fear that anxiety into excitement because you've got this we need that confidence going in. So the number one fear right is forgetting everything you're going to say, your mind just goes blank. This has happened to me. More than once you guys it has happened to me. I have learned not to panic. Did I stumble and make something up? No. I simply said, Oh, you know, the words escaped me. Can we come back to that question? Guys, it happens to all of us by just acknowledging what is happening immediately, you will find that nine times out of 10, it will come back to you because you are not going down that anxiety, snowball, or freaking out and trying to cover, you said it out loud. It's something that we can all relate to. And that happens to all of us and no one is going to judge you. For something we all experience. It's okay to say it. Now, if this happens live on air, they can't necessarily come back to you or they can't, you know, stop the podcast and re-edit. You don't have an answer to a question they asked or you forget the response, whatever it is, it has happened to every one of us in media have a prepared response. For example, if it happens to me, I'll say something like I can't recall right now, or I don't have the answer. But what I would really love to share is Baba Baba, Baba, I have my talking points prepared so that if I don't have an answer to a question, I can immediately move to the next talking point. You have to remember the people who are interviewing you, they're just giving you questions to guide you, you need to be prepared for talking points that you absolutely want to cover. And they're just giving you kind of like the oomph to get there, right? It's okay, if you don't know the specific answer that you forget your words, just move on to the next one. And then I just launched into whatever I'm there to promote or share when you know you have a prepared response in a moment of distress, the fear of being in that moment dissipates because you got this, you know what you're going to say if it happens. So the next part of sharing your story or building that platform, let's say you've gone on your first podcast, you were booked for interviews here, you are now getting speaking engagements, your platform is growing, your community is growing, your fan base is growing, whatever that is. So what happens this is kind of like the next every level new devil imposter syndrome. Oh my gosh, you know, the court of public opinion is gonna come in, right? What if I get tons of followers build this community, and then say something they don't like, make a public mess up, get into some public hot water and get judged and torn down? Well, there is a strategy for that, too, that I'm going to share with you. Some of you know that I work with people who are in the public eye who have ended up in a bit of public crisis. I don't talk about this often, because I can't that's where the NDAs come in.
But what I do is I help them either write their public statement or strategy of getting through the storm that comes along with a public downfall. And you guys, I've seen some doozies. I brought some people through some doozies. So I definitely want you to listen to this part. Because this is really, really helpful because so many people feel fearful of saying the wrong thing. And it keeps them from saying anything at all. So let's go through a few tips on how to get out of hot water when the foot goes in the mouth. Or you make some kind of public mistake once you've built your big community. One is to acknowledge immediately what the mistake was that was said or done. Letting the community or your audience know that you hear them. And it doesn't mean you necessarily agree or not, but that you hear and acknowledge them, you guys, people just want to be acknowledged, when they're hurt by something that you've done. When something didn't resonate, it landed flat, just acknowledge it. We don't want to have the elephant in the room, we want the elephant to leave. Alright, second, take responsibility. You do not blame your team, you do not blame your spouse or your kids for a situation. Take responsibility for the misstep, I promise you, you get a lot more respect that way. Third step is to apologize, guys, this is the hardest step for most people. I'm sorry, it was not my intent. But I realized that my actions caused you to feel this way. And even though my attempt was this, I acknowledge it was not received that way. I think that is a very safe apology to use. People again, they want to know that you acknowledge that they were heard. And that you're sorry. And lastly, when you know better, you're going to do better. list out how you're going to use this lesson learned and what you learned from it and actual steps you are going to make sure or you're going to take to make sure it doesn't happen again, without naming names. I had worked with someone who had a public got a public let's just say DUI okay, and the community was really upset about it. And what we did in the you know, public apology statement was we did all those steps you know that I said, but that we also took that and said from now on I am so sorry. I am going to go and talk about my experience to other groups to, you know, give them the lessons that I learned to teach them not to drink and drive all these things, right? Because that's what again, your community wants to know, is that you heard you feel bad, that it landed the wrong way or that you made the wrong decision. Because no one is perfect. I don't know about you guys. But in my 43 years, I have yet to meet that perfect person, I don't think a person exists, right? It's okay to acknowledge you made a mistake. It actually makes you more endearing, I think so. But how are you going to use those lessons, what you're going to do, how you're going to teach other people not to make the same mistake that you did. Those are all important parts of when you make a public misstep. And I think it's really important to regain trust, when you have lost it, and your community or respect you for owning it and doing so. And I think that isn't a really important lesson, the most expensive thing you can lose is someone's trust, you cannot buy that back. You have to earn that back. So I'm going to end there. There's so many topics that I want to dive deep on and I will in future solo episodes, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you. We'd love to hear your feedback on any specific topics of you know, either about my journey or things that you're passionate about that you'd love me to dive into as well in future episodes. I've got a lot of interesting stories to share and a lot of lessons learned. That's for sure. Thanks again, everybody. And I'll see you next week.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of On Air with Molly Dare. Your support means everything to me and to the guests who are sharing their personal stories. The best way to support this podcast series is with a five star rating on iTunes. Writing a quick written review gives me all the feels and I read every single one and it means so much. If you screenshot your review and send it to us, you will be entered into our monthly giveaway and who doesn't love free stuff. The best way for this podcast to grow is by word of mouth and I would love for you to tell a friend share on social media. tag me in your stories if there's an episode or guests that really hits home for you. If you are interested in learning more about what I do or one receive my Monday's with Molly video series with insights on each episode and my personal takeaways, head to mollydare.com. And you can sign up there. See you next episode and in the meanwhile, do something daring this week.
